How to Choose a Divorce Planning Tool: A Guide for People Considering Divorce

If you're thinking about divorce, you don't need another thing to learn. You need to know where you stand. A good planning tool helps you see that privately, without committing you to anything.

Protect your privacy first

Do this before you sign up for anything:

• Use an email address your spouse can't see, and a new password
• Use your own device if you can, and check what's synced to shared accounts
• Look at shared phone bills, cloud storage and browser history
• Check what the service's emails and bank statement charges will show

Only look at accounts you have the right to access. Logging in to your spouse's private email or accounts can create legal problems, so ask a lawyer if you're unsure.

If you're worried about your safety, talk to a domestic violence advocate before you plan on any shared device. The National Domestic Violence Hotline is at 1-800-799-7233.

What a good tool should help you do

• See what you have. A simple list of what you own and owe, including what you didn't know to ask about.
• Know what to gather. Step by step, in an order that makes sense.
• Work out your budget. What life really costs on one income, including what your spouse pays today.
• Answer the big questions. Can you keep the house? What happens to retirement?
• Look ahead. Whether a deal still works in five or ten years, not just on the day you sign.

What a tool can't do

A planning tool isn't a lawyer or a financial advisor. It can't tell you what you're entitled to, and any support figure is an estimate that a court may see differently. Rules also vary a lot by state. Its real value is helping you arrive organized, so your time with a professional goes further.

Questions to ask before you sign up

1. Who can see my information, and could my spouse ever be invited or notified?
2. Can I delete everything if I change my mind?
3. What's free, and what will I eventually pay for?
4. Does it cover my state?
5. Does it explain its numbers in plain language?
6. Does it work on my phone, for five minutes at a time?
7. Can I share my plan with a lawyer or advisor when I'm ready?

Warning signs

• It promises you'll "win" or get a certain result
• It pressures you to file or decide quickly
• It wants your bank password before you understand what it does
• It tells you that you don't need a lawyer, however complicated your finances are

What you can do this week, with or without a tool

1. Open an email account that's only yours.
2. Write down every account you know about: bank, retirement, cards, loans.
3. Save copies of your recent tax returns and pay stubs somewhere private.
4. Check your credit reports for free at annualcreditreport.com.
5. Write down your questions for a lawyer, even if you're not ready to call one.

None of this commits you to anything. It just means that if the day comes, you won't be starting from nothing.

Common questions

Can I plan for a divorce without my spouse knowing?

Generally, yes, using your own email and device and only accounts you have the right to access. If you're worried about your safety, speak to a domestic violence advocate first.

Do I still need a lawyer if I use a planning tool?

Often, yes. A tool helps you get organized and see the numbers, but it doesn't give legal advice, and rules vary by state.

What should I gather first?

Start with recent bank, retirement, credit card and mortgage statements, tax returns and pay stubs.